The Essentia Sphere

His early music was OK. But when your pancake make-up starts settling into your wrinkles, maybe it’s time to close up your goth shop.

She said smugly as she smiled around at her superhero action figures.

And what have I learned? Well, on the Internet front, I’ve learned that people are insane.

The Internet and its users have taught me that my idealistic notions of debate and viewing all opinions as valid are false. Some opinions really aren’t worth your time. Everyone has an opinion. But they are not facts. Just because you like your opinion doesn’t mean that anyone else has to accept it. Opinions that hurt someone or a group of someones are wrong. If someone decides to not give your opinion any notice, name calling and passive aggressive comments doesn’t mean that someone will pay attention to you. Some of us have matured past elementary school.

I’ve also learned that most people can’t take a joke or tell when I’m joking. No big deal because not everyone has the same sense of humor. What makes it sad is when people take my jokes and think they’re the truth. Or they think that my jokes are so powerful that I can destroy a whole message board with them. Or, even sadder, if they don’t like the joke, that means they’re left out! Entertain people the way they want, even if they don’t participate in any way!

And granted, you can’t really know anyone on the Internet. But when there is a sense of community, you hope that most people in that community know you. Well, no, it doesn’t work that way. People give you motivations which you never had. I was seeking attention with my posts—at least, that’s what I’ve been told I was doing (and of course, my first instinct is to say, “Projecting, much?” but that’s giving someone a motivation, isn’t it?). Of course, what I was really doing was cracking jokes like the clown I am with a group of people that I, at one time, liked—apparently, I don’t take this Internet thing quite as seriously as some people. Most people don’t know you—just like you don’t know them—and so they fill in the blanks. Since it’s a message board and not a blog where you post everything about your life, there are usually a lot of blanks to fill. And remember, in a large community, there are a good number of crazies—who may only show themselves to be crazy after you disagree with them, don’t entertain them the way they think they should be entertained, or from the safety of an anonymous, totally different message board.

Ass kissing is the way to go, people. Never tell people something they don’t want to hear. If you’re on a message board, post as much as possible. If you don’t post after every single post by another user, then you are not being supportive. Even if you have no idea what to say, post something! My god! Don’t you understand?! What people on the Interwebzz think of you is more important than you can possibly imagine!

I would tell you what I’ve learned on the personal front but I think it’s obvious I have learned nothing. As a shut-in who hisses out of her darkened apartment at the neighbors, I have done nothing all year. In fact, I, wearing only my beanie cap, sit around all day and try to think up violent jokes that will be used in my next assault on a message board. That is, when my cat isn’t beating me.

Don’t worry. My minions will help spread the tired violent jokes. So it is written. So it shall be done.

Or not. Whatever.