I’ll Pray For You
Jesus hates smug Christians.
This video is awesome—logical fallacies lead to even more logical fallacies! He’s got us cornered! He has wrapped up in his tongue-tied, smug illogical statements! Oh, the humanity! The horror!
Sigh
Thank god it’s just a rumor. Can you imagine? Goofy Ben Stiller as Batman and melty face Gyllenhall as a Wonder Twin? Wait—why are the Wonder Twins even mentioned at all? Are they trying to make the rumor more terrifying?
Chick Lit
First of all, the very fact that it’s called “chick” lit annoys me. Not just because I hate the word “chick” when used in reference to a woman but because it denotes the fact that these books are for women only. Women have to have a separate genre of books because they’re different. And none of these stories are for men—no, no, fellas. You are the norm and the women are the “other”—that’s why they have their own, cute little genre of books.
Secondly, all of these books are crap! I’ve heard about them so I decided to give them a try—honestly, I’d read porn if the pictures wouldn’t get in the way. Here’s a run down on how to write a chick lit book:
1. Ditzy main character; not drop dead gorgeous but cute; should have a drop dead gorgeous friend/sister; should be short/chubby/not too chubby/have some normally “ugly” characteristic/but not too ugly.
2. She should have a glamorous job or at least one that puts her in contact with people in glamorous jobs.
3. She should be obsessed with shoes/clothes/chocolate/men. Name drop high-end fashion labels as much as possible.
4. She must meet a handsome man who has to rescue her from her own ineptitude/rash actions/big mouth/bad choices.
5. Must have female antagonist. Antagonist should be gorgeous and rich.
6. Antagonist must have her downfall by the end of the book.
7. Main character must endure a number of embarrassing situations. She will be rescued from all of these situations by the handsome man, who will think her embarrassment is endearing. He’ll take her out for coffee to make her feel better.
8. Happy ending, usually brought about because the main character ends up with the handsome man.
There! Take all of that sexist garbage and smash it into a bunch of paragraphs with lots of self-dialogue and you have a chick lit novel.
You people make me sick! Quit buying that garbage! Don’t you see that it’s just reinforcing every stereotype about women?!?! I hate every one of you so much!
