I’ll Pray For You
Jesus hates smug Christians.
This video is awesome—logical fallacies lead to even more logical fallacies! He’s got us cornered! He has wrapped up in his tongue-tied, smug illogical statements! Oh, the humanity! The horror!
Sigh
Thank god it’s just a rumor. Can you imagine? Goofy Ben Stiller as Batman and melty face Gyllenhall as a Wonder Twin? Wait—why are the Wonder Twins even mentioned at all? Are they trying to make the rumor more terrifying?
Chick Lit
First of all, the very fact that it’s called “chick” lit annoys me. Not just because I hate the word “chick” when used in reference to a woman but because it denotes the fact that these books are for women only. Women have to have a separate genre of books because they’re different. And none of these stories are for men—no, no, fellas. You are the norm and the women are the “other”—that’s why they have their own, cute little genre of books.
Secondly, all of these books are crap! I’ve heard about them so I decided to give them a try—honestly, I’d read porn if the pictures wouldn’t get in the way. Here’s a run down on how to write a chick lit book:
1. Ditzy main character; not drop dead gorgeous but cute; should have a drop dead gorgeous friend/sister; should be short/chubby/not too chubby/have some normally “ugly” characteristic/but not too ugly.
2. She should have a glamorous job or at least one that puts her in contact with people in glamorous jobs.
3. She should be obsessed with shoes/clothes/chocolate/men. Name drop high-end fashion labels as much as possible.
4. She must meet a handsome man who has to rescue her from her own ineptitude/rash actions/big mouth/bad choices.
5. Must have female antagonist. Antagonist should be gorgeous and rich.
6. Antagonist must have her downfall by the end of the book.
7. Main character must endure a number of embarrassing situations. She will be rescued from all of these situations by the handsome man, who will think her embarrassment is endearing. He’ll take her out for coffee to make her feel better.
8. Happy ending, usually brought about because the main character ends up with the handsome man.
There! Take all of that sexist garbage and smash it into a bunch of paragraphs with lots of self-dialogue and you have a chick lit novel.
You people make me sick! Quit buying that garbage! Don’t you see that it’s just reinforcing every stereotype about women?!?! I hate every one of you so much!
30 Days of Night
Why did they cast Josh Hartnett in this and why didn’t they ask for my permission first?
Nice.
I wonder how many people could have been helped with this money? Not to mention, she gives the dog that kind of money but doesn’t give any money to a couple of her grandchildren?
Listen, this may come as a shock to you all but dogs don’t need little sweaters or gold dishes to eat out of. They drink from the toilet and lick their own asses. They’re not really meant for the high life.
And if she didn’t want that money to go to those grandchildren then why didn’t she donate it to a charity? Oh, that’s right. It’s her. I guess only little people help others.
Also, any dog named Trouble is automatically on my hate list. I hate you, Trouble. I hate you so much.
Geek War!
Every comic book geek knows about character fights. Someone says that character A can take out character B and then the great geek debate begins. Well, on CBR they have a little section called Comic Book Rumbles and it’s where these great debates take place.
Someone brought up the old stand-by: Superman vs. Batman. I like them both but Superman has the edge for me, mainly because he’s my favorite. But I just wanted to share with you the best reason ever for a Superman victory.
Batman can never beat Superman in a fight. Ever. Not with 10 Million years of one sided prep, 20 times his normal resources, and 50 clones of himself made entirely out of Kryptonite as backup. Never. Ever.Maybe if we spot him a 5D Imp’s power or maybe if Superman is already dead when Batman gets there. But even then the odds are still shit.Cause it’s Superman. @#$%ING SUPERMAN!
Batman wouldnt’ have time to THINK “I’m Batman.” before Superman hits him with the @#$%ing Moon. Batman couldn’t make a move against Superman before he heat visions him into little pieces and feeds him to the chickens at the Kent farm. The synapses in Batman’s brain wouldnt’ have time to fire before Superman rips out his brain, surgically implants his brain into a toaster, and marries him to a gorilla.
Cause he’s Superman, and Batman isn’t. And nothing will ever close that gap.
Awesome.
I Still Hate You
1. I have two sets of new neighbors. The group in the apartment behind me are right now playing music loud enough to vibrate my shelves. These shelves are very important because on them are some of my DC Direct action figures.
The other group are next to me and they have a little yapping dog. It yaps when we open our front door. It yaps if it hears anyone on the landing or the steps. The little bastard yaps if I freaking drop something in my apartment. He’s also left outside on their deck to yap all night.
Sorry to tell you this folks, but either the dog or the neighbors are going to have an “accident.” I guess I’ll go after the humans in this equation because the dog appears to be smarter than any of them—it is barking at my soulless shell of a body and probably senses my evil plans.
2. I have always given lip service to the idea that people are stupid. But recently, I have gathered proof that humanity is a cesspool of ignorance. From people who are willfully ignorant and refuse to learn about subjects to people who lack basic common sense. Adults who can’t handle someone disagreeing with them. People who actively participate in their own downfall. Whole masses of people who refuse to understand or acknowledge basic facts. This is all much worse than the dummies standing in the middle of the aisle with their dirty kids down at your local Wal-Mart. The people I’m talking about think they’re smart. That’s much more dangerous than the stupid people who are at least smart enough to recognize their own stupidity.
3. I am so sick of politicians going on and on about their belief in God. Look, you might as well tell me that you believe in the Easter Bunny—that’s how much of an influence it’ll have on my vote. But I got news for you: Jesus isn’t going to balance the budget. He’s not going to fix the health care system or deal with terrorism or pack the Supreme Court. And your prayers won’t do any of that either.
Jesus hates you for using his name to get elected.
I Hate You All So Much
By “you” I mean dummies who complain about books on library shelves. Guess what, dummies? No one is forcing you to read a book. No one is forcing your dumb little child to read a book. Also, here’s a wacky idea: read the book and come to your own conclusion about it. Then, leave it on the shelf so that others can read it and come to their own conclusions. This has nothing to do with offensiveness. This is about not liking free thinking and open debate.
God, I wish stupid people would stop breeding. This is why all of your children are stupid—because you won’t let them read about a multitude of subjects, let them think about those subjects, and let them form their own conclusions about those subjects! That’s why your children never learn how to think!
