The Essentia Sphere

Men hate women.

That’s the statement. And it set off a firestorm of protest. In this message board argument over the meaning of that statement, people were insulted and absolutely nothing got resolved! Big shock, huh?

People had a problem with that statement because they felt that it was a blanket statement–and blanket statements are always faulty. It was explained that the idea behind the statement is the overreaching power of the patriarchy and how very few men escape it. Then the whole thing fell into a discussion of the patriarchy and what it entails—with the occasional “I don’t think all men hate women” thrown in for good measure.

So? What of it? Does chauvinism fall under the umbrella of hate? How many men outright hate women, are chauvinistic, or just view women as “different” and treat them differently because of it?

What constitutes a feminist? Is it just the idea of equality of the sexes—the definition I’ve given here before—or is there another element to it?

There were statements made in that argument that really upset me—I’m not talking about the veiled insults. I’m talking about women who claimed to be feminists and then, in the next breath, defended the patriarchy. But they believe in the equality of the sexes so that means they’re feminists, right? Yesterday, I would have said yes. Today, I’m not so sure.

How can you work for female equality if you dismiss the idea of a patriarchal system? Are you even dismissing the idea of a patriarchal system if you defend some of its elements? How can you be a feminist if you use the old stand-by of biology to explain women’s second class citizenship? Are you really a feminist if, when faced with a critique of the male half of the species, your first reaction is to find an equal complaint about women? Are you burying your head in the sand if you say, “all men aren’t bad—look at my dad, husband, brother” or are you just being honest? Is explaining to a girl or woman that yes, men hate women—is that preparing her or giving her unnecessary fear? If you honestly can’t think of an instance in your life where sexism has played a role against your personally, can you be a feminist?

Here are some of my responses.

Hate doesn’t have to be the rape or beating variety. It can be a thought that slips into the mind and just as quickly out. And the guys on-line posting hateful stuff about women can’t be easily dismissed either. They are the guys who have access to a computer or time and energy to spout anti-feminism stuff. That’s what’s so freaky to me–how many guys who think these thoughts do I pass every day? And I’m sorry, but guys do think that. Even if it’s something as small as saying “stupid bitch” (which, IMO, is a gender specific insult unlike asshole) with a sneer–there’s something under that. And again, most of us don’t even know how or when we’re participating in the patriarchy–I honestly think a lot of it is subconscious. It’s so ingrained in each one of us.

I don’t think fear should be the goal–I think awareness should be. Women should know that as women, they are possible victims for a whole list of things. Many of the reasons for victim hood are because the victim is a woman. Rape, molestation, spousal abuse–these things are not perpetuated by women against men like they are by men against women. It’s just a fact.I think chauvinism is just a “lesser” degree of hatred. To me, it implies a way of thinking that is unacceptable–even if a chauvinistic male isn’t beating me, by participating in the idea that I’m “less” he is hurting me. It compounds the idea that I, as a woman, am less than him, a man. Enough thoughts like that and you have a whole society with half the population treated as second class citizens. Thoughts drive people to act. Actions can hurt. I don’t think people should be punished for their thoughts, but I do think women should be aware that the thoughts are there.

IMO, the majority of men do hate women or have chauvinistic ideas. Since I think they’re just different degrees of hate, the statement that “men hate women” is something I agree with. To me, if the statement is used correctly, it can prepare women for what they will inevitably encounter in their life at one point or another. Some women may take it as a statement of fear but I take it as a warning to prepare myself. I understand the idea of blanket statements but, IMO, it’s like saying “white people are racist.” No, not all white people are racist but I can understand why a black person would say that to another black person–preparation for what they will have to deal with in life.

IMO, preparation is not the same thing as fear. Making someone aware of a situation does not necessarily mean that you are trying to make her afraid of the world or that you are trying to make her into a victim.I also wish to clarify the idea of “we all know good guys so how can you say that most/all men hate women?” I’m talking on a macro, institutional scale. This is something that is ingrained (I understand that all of you get that, yet I feel as if the very idea is being dismissed) into our society. Men are taught views of women. Women are taught views of women. Again, most of these thoughts, IMO, are subconscious and most of us don’t even know they’re there. And yes, to me, chauvinism falls under the umbrella of hate. It’s just a “lesser” form. Add into that mix some misogynistic ideas from society (ideas that we all share a part in), and an argument can be made for most men hating women.

And while personally a woman may never come into contact with overt sexism, it is something she deals with every day. Societal ideas on female beauty, accomplishment, and expectations are something every woman deals with daily. I also feel they are things that we need to question, for they are all a part of a misogynistic system that a lot of us don’t even realize that we’re a playing a part in.

Preparation and awareness are a start. I think everyone would do well to analyze their own thoughts and feelings on the matter. Dig deeper when the topic comes up. Our first reactions may be our societal training. Be aware, as women, that men are not the only ones who are taught misogynistic ideas about women.

IMO, this is an excuse used to keep the patriarchy intact. Biology has always been brought up to excuse treating women as second class citizens. And to really throw a match on the fire: biology was also used to “prove” that American slaves were sub-human.

I totally get the idea that the people who bear children stay with the children while the physically stronger half of the species does the hunting. But that’s no excuse in modern society. It also has been a poor excuse for hundreds of years.

Propaganda and the modern idea of media existed in the past in the form of the church. Ideas were spread through communities using the church. Many people would argue that the church’s (I’m staying with an overreaching church rather than getting into how each denomination deals with the issue) teachings are full of misogyny. The idea of women being less was spread through the church. Society–run by men because, as you said, the women were in the home–took the idea and began to use it to keep women in their place.

That idea has made it extremely difficult for women to get the equality that we should all demand. The patriarchal system isn’t separate from history, or the church, or anything else you listed previously. It pervades each of these elements.

But women don’t have to have children/stay home with the child. These are ideas that were once the norm but have been kept in place by the patriarchy.

Something that had started out as a biological imperative was melded into a cultural idea. That cultural idea has helped develop the patriarchy.

In college, I had a classmate ask me why we needed to learn women’s history because “they haven’t done anything.”

Having babies and occasionally leading a riot for some bread don’t equal power as compared to presidents, politicians, or generals. Those jobs aren’t just flashier, they carry more power. And for most of human history, women have not had that kind of power. Caring for children does not equate to running a nation or leading an army.

I have, of course, taken out all references to other posters and their comments that I may have been responding to.

So? What of it? The majority did not agree with me. The majority of the other posters were insulted by the insinuation that they weren’t true feminists. I was insulted by the idea that my beliefs are “radical”—on the fringe, if you will. We’ve learned that nothing gets accomplished on message boards. But what else?

Are the less “radical” feminists like Martin Luther King, Jr. in the civil rights movement (this is totally another poster’s interesting idea and not mine)? Are more “radical” feminists like the Black Panthers? If that’s the case, are more people willing to be “softer” feminists because they’re more accepted by the patriarchy? Or are the “softer” feminists just not willing to take that last step—to denounce almost everything around them—to understand that even our female thoughts can be clouded by the patriarchal society in which we live? That their refusal to admit the existence of hate (which, to me, includes outright hate, chauvinism, and the feeling that women are “different”) which pervades our world not only doesn’t make them feminists, but it also helps to keep the status quo right where it is? Most importantly, how can I seriously discuss these things when I’m sitting here in my Wonder Woman PJs? She was spanked by Etta Candy!

Sigh. This is why thinking is bad. It leads to nothing but headaches and rage.

So, yeah. A message board argument is not something to get upset about. Everyone has opinions, right? But what if those opinions help keep the patriarchy in place? What if you feel that, even as you’re trying to understand what they’re posting, that they are not even giving your posts any consideration? What if you see a kind of group think that makes you uncomfortable? Why do I get the hiccups when I brush my teeth?

I don’t know why I hold on to my idealism. I don’t know why I honestly think I can debate with people, understand their thinking, or change their minds. Can one argument on a message board shake my foundational belief of what a feminist is? Does this upset me because it was women stating these things? How can you expect to change anything if the very people that the change would benefit aren’t willing to see the underlying problems?

This is a rambling, long post. I apologize. It’s a “thinking it through” post so I’m sorry that it doesn’t make more sense.

Sigh. I’m just going to stop thinking about these things and go play with my toy—I mean, action figures. Yeah, action figures. And I’m not going to play with them—because I’m an adult—I’m going to . . . forget it. I’m playing with my toys.