Shut Up.
Oh, look! It’s someone else trying to save me! Please pray for me! Better yet, tell me how I’m going to Hell because I don’t think like you!
Oh, oh, I know! You can prove your faith by pointing . . . to a book. Excellent! There you go! You’ve converted me! I’ll forget all the misogynistic, homophobic, and hateful things you say—let’s face it, Kirk, your god isn’t loving at all—and I’ll join right up.
I’m so glad to know that the God my parents took me to church to learn about was the wrong one. Sure, it’s the same God as yours, but I heard entirely too much of that “love your neighbor as you’d love yourself” BS. Let me in on the judgemental side of religion, Kirky Boy! I totally want in on this little club (make sure to take the Good Person test down in the lower right hand corner—here’s your result: you’re evil and you’re going to hell!) which excludes everyone who doesn’t think like me.
That’s Just Great!
Now I’m even more freaked out! Not only are his henchmen creepy but someone got the bright idea to put the freaking Joker in IMAX! Aw, man! I’m going to have to see this movie with my mommy and my daddy!
Nightmares of My Youth
I used to believe that Vicki and her dead eyes would strangle me with Harriet’s hair ribbons.
Even as a kid, I knew that I’d never be as good as Doogie. Doogie is always a step ahead of me in life. The bastard.
I called these two the Creepy-Smiling Guy and the Little Guy. They continue to live in my closet and promise to make my dreams come true. But really they just want to eat my eyes.
